How to Say No

Do you ever get asked to do things that, frankly, you just don’t want to do? If you answered that question with a “no,” keep surfing. For the rest of you normal people, I’ve come up with a few suggestions on how to say "no." You will have to figure out for yourself when and where to apply my time-tested strategies.

Don’t lie about it. Just say “no”.

Say “no” but soften it with a “white lie.” Anyone who says they never do this is lying. And it isn’t even white.

Feign deafness.

Feign blindness. (Gets you out of a lot of stuff…)

Say “yes.” Especially useful when caught off guard. Go home. Think about it. Call back and say “no.” These things are always easier over the phone. Use one of the four techniques described above.

Say “no” but come up with an alternate solution to help the person making the request. Probably the gold standard in the art of saying "no".


Convince them they can do it on their own. (Doesn’t work when kids ask you for money or fever medication….)

Reply with an equal but opposite counter-request. (e.g. I will help you build your dog house, if you will help you me replace the roof on my cottage – hope you don’t mind doing it in June even if the flies are a tiny bit bad then… Most likely to be successful if your request is far more burdensome)

Say “Shhhh”. Pretend you are listening for a burglar. Indicate that you just “heard something” outside the window. This only works at night.

Walk away distractedly. If pursued mumble something about “those voices in my head.”

Carry around business cards that say, “Director, Just Say No Program.” Hand out liberally.

Defer your answer – maybe you want to say “yes” after you think about it. (especially useful with kids, if your first inclination is to say, “Oh-my-God-NO-are-you-crazy-have-I-taught-you-NOTHING???!!” There is an outside chance, very small, that you could be over-reacting.)

Advise them to call 1-800-NOT-EVER. Their hotline will take care of it for you. There is a small monthly fee for the subscription. Well worth it.

Say “yes” and then clearly illustrate your incompetence. “Sure, I’ll look after your dog! Don’t worry about the last five dogs that ran away. Two of them eventually came back. One was even alive…”

Wear a button that says “NO!” If people ignore it, show them how sharp the pin is. (Caution – “show” them only.)

Defer the request. Check with others in the group who supposedly said “yes” to the proposal. Chances are half didn’t and the other half won’t show up. Applies mostly to parents and events that take place very early in the morning. Give in to peer pressure. Ask yourself: what would other parents do?

Say “yes” and feebly mention that you will help as “soon as you can manage”. Keep crutches in plain view or wear an eye patch. Works especially well with bosses who are afraid of unions.

Slip out the back, Jack, Make a new plan Stan… (it worked for Paul Simon…)