Backing In

Everywhere I go I’ve started to see it. It’s happening at work, it’s happening out at Wal-Mart, it’s happening in the streets. People have suddenly been seized by the insatiable urge to drive backwards into parking spots. And I would have to say, that if I were grading them, they would all be attending remedial classes!

I can’t quite grasp what is inspiring drivers to engage in all this reversing every time they approach a parking spot. You don’t back into a spot to save time, because it definitely takes longer to jockey a few tons of metal into a space that it does to back it out of a space. Even if you do it badly, it takes longer. So, if you are backing in because you think that when you drag your weary body back to your car at five o’clock, you will make a substantially faster getaway, you are only fooling yourself. You already used up that time in the morning, cranking the wheel this way and that, trying to back in.

Maybe backing in is a backlash against perfectionism. I think this is a very real possibility because none of these drivers feel any obligation to back their vehicles into an actual space. Mostly they are skewed way over to one side, helping themselves to a generous slice of the space next door. A few clever drivers are actually capable of lining up the middle of their backed in vehicles with the line that designates the edge of the parking space, ensuring that two full parking spots are nicely occupied. Maybe this is done deliberately so that there is plenty of room to open the doors, as this seems to be a favored by short women who can barely see over the dash of their giant SUVs. They need plenty of room to get a run in order to gain enough height to get back into their vehicles later on. That, and it costs so much to fill the tank with gas that they now feel entitled to spread their vehicle over two parking spaces.

So just what are the reasons for wasting your time by backing into a parking space? Is it so that you can scan the beautiful vista of the parking lot and see the building that is your destination while you are pulling the keys out of your ignition? Is it so that your car can see you coming when you return? Is it because, at the end of the day when you return, your car door is now three feet closer to the building? Or maybe you can’t recognize your car from the back, but the front is easier? It is because you like the thrill of using your rear bumper to scare the paint off the car parked in the next spot? Is it because you like the way it looks when a vehicle is parked at an odd angle, breaking up all that boring symmetry in the parking lot? So many drones following so many rules! Maybe it’s because some other driver who was none too anxious to get in to work backed in, and now you feel pressured to prove that you too are a master of the reverse gear? Is it that you secretly like taking up two spots every day, knowing in your black heart that your participation in this collective madness has now ensured there are 20% fewer places for the vehicles of your co-workers? Are you looking out of the building and cackling neurotically while I endlessly circle the lot where there are no spaces left because everyone backed in and did it badly?

So do me a favour. Line it up in the middle of the space or forget the whole venture. Your vehicle should be between the lines, not over the lines. If it takes more time, that’s okay – everything has a price, even the delicious activity of driving around backwards. Or…drive forward into the space and back out when you leave. It takes less time because there is no need to align your vehicle with anything. You will probably arrive home two seconds ahead of your backed-in co-worker. Now there's satisfaction that money can never buy.